Tasmin's Story.

Growing up in Newcastle, Tasmin was brought up in what she describes as ‘a reasonably happy home.’ That was until her dad left her and her family – leaving her with self-esteem and abandonment issues, especially in her relationships with men.

At school, Tasmin did well despite that aged 12 she started drinking alcohol to function in social settings. Eventually she left home at 16, ‘going to bum around in Cornwall for a year with a bunch of surfers and smoked a lot of weed.’

When her parents raised their concern about her education, Tasmin moved to London to get her A Levels. In London, she met the love of her life – a good man, ‘who never drank really’ and helped her get back on track.

After being together for three years, they got engaged. Tasmin was so happy, until one day she got a phone call from his employer to say that he’d died. She recalls ‘it killed me, it really did.’

From there her relationship with drink worsened and she took another downward spiral. She spent about six years living in Soho, ‘doing horrific things’ – a lot of drugs, drink and burying her grief. Tasmin recalls how the feeling of abandonment that she experienced with her father resurfaced, and she would try and drink this feeling away.

She reflects that people often turn to alcohol because ‘it is more accessible – and for people who aren’t good at facing pain, it is easy to become an alcoholic.’ She confesses that though everyone faces death, she really struggles to confront it. The loss of her partner made Tasmin feel like a shell, ‘working but dead inside – I was just existing.’

Alongside work, Tasmin kept going out to bars and clubs in the evenings. She said it all came to a head when she was attacked whilst intoxicated – ‘I decided, I’m moving back to Newcastle.’

But this also changed once she met her ex-partner, who was from Yorkshire – she confesses now ‘I went straight into that – he was safe and secure and I thought that’s what I needed.’ So she relocated to Yorkshire, getting herself a degree in midwifery.

Eventually she fell pregnant, where she managed to ‘keep it under wraps.’ Once her child was born though, things began to fall apart. Tasmin talks of motherhood, and the difficulties she had at doing anything without alcohol.

The relationship also became toxic – she confesses though ‘I could kill with my tongue,’ he started domestically abusing her. She continued to function throughout it all, masking her anxieties with alcohol. Tasmin reflects, ‘I drank at work, I had it in my bag, I drank at night, drink drove, just drank basically.’

Then she fell pregnant again, going through with it not knowing that the child was going to be severely disabled. She is keen to add that she never drank during her pregnancies, confessing that alcohol was more a form of self-harm than anything else.

Her daughter had Pfeiffer syndrome, a rare condition which is a mutated gene – something that could happen to anyone. She is embarrassed to say that due to her child’s unusual appearance she was at times frightened – she said that lack of preparation made the experience more difficult.

Her partner left Tasmin because he didn’t want to have a disabled child. She says that she left one child in hospital and the other with her mother-in-law and she went and drank solidly for two days.

Her ex-partner even called the social services to try and get his daughter adopted, but the social worker recognised Tasmin’s reluctance. She says that she looked after her throughout all the operations and difficulties, not leaving her side until she sadly passed away.

The drinking got worse after the loss of her child. This time, she couldn’t function – she couldn’t afford the mortgage and couldn’t look after her other daughter – ‘I had to give her to her dad.’

That Christmas, she found herself homeless – her only comfort came from the alcohol. The hardest thing, Tasmin recalled, was not seeing her daughter for seven months – ‘I was very alone.’

Then, turning to P3, Tasmin showed up with two bin bags full of everything she owned. P3 helped her find a hotel until she could get temporary accommodation – also providing her with a food parcel.

The next step was accommodation – now Tasmin lives in a ‘lovely flat, where I can go to AA and get clean. I’ve made sober friends; I’m doing nice things – life is good.’ She has stopped using substances to function and is starting up on the path to her new future.

She has reconnected with her daughter, exchanging cards and well wishes – but her father is still unsure about letting Tasmin back into her life. ‘It’s understandable but hopefully in the next few months, I’ll be able to properly reconnect with her. As a mam and daughter, we’ve lived many lives.’