Gaz's Story

Talking to Gary Collard – or Gaz Callard, as he’s known by his readers – on a video call over coffee, he talks about how his new book, Once Upon a Time in Milton Keynes, was inspired by his real-life experiences. Hoping to sell 2,000 copies by Christmas, Gary hopes to eventually raise enough money to support his son’s new business. He says, “If I got even more money, I’d want to give back and help those young people in need of somewhere to go.” 

Reflecting on his younger self, he recalls his childhood: “If I was born in this generation, I would have been [diagnosed] with ADHD. Back then, there was no such thing. I was just considered naughty, so you can imagine that school was always troublesome for me.”  

Gary said that he was always disruptive in class: something that extended into his home life and what he says led to his dad taking on a more authoritative role in his life. Gary says, “He’d bring out the cane and all that. He used a sort of corporal punishment”, implying the physical nature of this relationship with his father.  

By age 14, Gary was out of formal education. Recalling the event that led to his suspension, he is clearly remorseful for his actions: “I beat a teacher up at school, and instead of expelling me, they put me on long-term suspension. I would get re-excluded [a] month at a time, so I couldn’t go to a different school as I was still enrolled where I was. This went on for ages and ages, and with my parents out of the house working, I was left to my own devices.”  

Gary says, “As a 14-year-old lad, I was out roaming the streets and so I met up with older lads – the ones who weren’t at school – so I was surrounded by 17-year-olds.”  

“I don’t know what it is about me, but I felt like I was born corrupt. As I’ve got older, I’ve learnt not to behave on [my] impulses anymore.” 

Gary was referred to a behavioural management school, but he was expelled following a series of disruptive incidents. Soon after, he was sent to a young offender’s prison. Gary says, “At that time, I was 15 years old, and I didn’t go back into a classroom until my Access course in [my] 40s.”  

Between being in and out of prison, Gary spent a lot of time with his uncle, who trained him in carpentry, offering him another path by giving him skills for life that he still uses today. He appreciated how much his uncle cared for him, but being as he describes as “off the wall”, Gary would sporadically move between jobs and prison.  

“You know, after this, my parents couldn’t cope with my behaviour”, Gary says. “I was off-the-wall nuts and I ended up in a [children’s] care home. This all happened within a year after being kicked out of school. Locked up for a time to find my parents had moved, with all my friends elsewhere, I stopped coming back [to the family home]. And then I ended up in the care home.”  

Gary is keen to say that his experience in the care system was “alright”. He emphasises, “[I was in a] ‘naughty boys’ school’, where I’d stay overnight, and then I did [a custodial] sentence, so the [children’s] home was just another institution to me. I didn’t care to be honest; the prison stuff was like a badge of honour when you’re living in that world. I was happy in that world, despite coming from a very good background.”  

Around this time, Gary lost contact with his family. Years later, he says he reconnected with his mum and his brother, but he sighs, saying he doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, and he takes responsibility for this breakdown in his family: “I was off the wall; everything was about offending. To be honest, I was nicking everything.”  

He continues, “Initially, I wasn’t even burgling to make money – it was schools, youth centres, sometimes houses. Half the time, I found it cool to find more clever ways to break into things. It was just a laugh to me – stupid stuff really… From the age of 16 to in my 20s, I bounced around. I was homeless and had no stable address, so doing these things [seemed normal to me]. I would squat, sofa-surf – that’s how I got by.”  

Gary described his life at this time as “chaotic”. In and out of prison as an adult, Gary was between places, never with a fixed address. With his longest stint in prison spanning 18 months, Gary said he was relieved when it would come around, hoping for a sentence long enough to provide him with shelter, food and stability.  

Gary says he’s reflected on his past behaviour a lot over the years. “I processed it, and I am ashamed of it, even if it’s trivialised. Sometimes I’ll be in areas of Milton Keynes, and I look at a certain place and have a flashback: That is real, I did that – things I’d never dream of doing now. To be honest, I was a complete nightmare.” 

On refection, he says, “Now I am a lot more forgiving of people. I try to see things from their point of view. I must keep my head under control, something I [balance] with the right attitude and meditation.”   

For Gary, he was in his 30s when he reached a turning point. His life was dominated by crime, alcohol and drugs, and he says, “I got to a point where I lost everything, and that was it. I didn’t realise how much drink and drugs had affected my mental state… I went to see my doctor and local mental health team, and they said I’d have to get sober before I could get long-term support.”  

While trying to get sober, Gary was sofa-surfing and then became street homeless – something that significantly slowed down the progress of his recovery. He started to notice a connection between his increased drinking and where he was sleeping that night.  

Eventually, Gary sought support from local housing agencies, and that was where he first met P3 Charity. Gary’s new P3 support worker helped him find accommodation in a local hostel provided by another agency and encouraged Gary to restart his carpentry work. He started doing cash-in-hand work but said he would blow hundreds of pounds on drink and drugs at the end of the week.  

“I got to a stage where I knew this just couldn’t carry on: always left with nothing but £5 notes. I went to the manager at the hostel, who arranged an appointment for me for [drugs and alcohol support]. That night I chose to walk four miles to the closest AA meeting.”  

“After four or five months, I wanted work [that would] help people. I was approaching loads of charities around Milton Keynes, but none of them would take me on because of my offending [history].” 

Gary recalls how he first met Jen (P3’s Head of Support and Community Service for P3’s Southeast services) who at the time was a support worker for P3 in Milton Keynes when he got back in touch about volunteering. Gary speaks about the role Jen has played in his life and the impact of her support: “She really believed in me and took me onboard when nobody else would. I started doing a couple of mornings a week, completing assessments and that.”  

Gary adds: “I know some volunteers drop off quite quickly, but I didn’t: something I put down to Jen, to be honest. She always treated me as a member of the team; I never felt like a token – I was more than that. It’s strange that two people so different could get on so well. [Jen] just sees things that other people don’t. She is so unjudgmental and will listen to every single person, regardless of their story.”  

When he first started volunteering, Gary laughs that he couldn’t turn a computer on. He says volunteering gave him skills that prepared him for his next steps. Toying with the idea of going back to college, it was Jen who gave him the confidence to apply.  

“She took me to Bletchley College, where I made an appointment for the following day. Before I knew it, I was signed up on the Access to Higher Education course in social care. I was immediately drawn to the psychology [part of the course], so I decided to do it as a degree. It was a tough choice to make, with the finances and stuff, but I knew if I didn’t do it, I would always regret it.”  

Turning our conversation towards his book, Gary says that he came up with the original idea just over eight years ago, but it was only something that came to fruition after finishing his degree.  

“It was never meant to be called Once Upon a Time in Milton Keynes”, Gary says, “but there we are. The story opens with a prologue: one man dead and the other holding the gun.”  

Eventually it becomes clear that the two men are childhood friends, where crime and adulthood have caused their lives to take drastic turns. The novel goes between the explosive present and memories from their childhood; throughout, the reader is eager to piece together the puzzle, and it’s not until the very end when we find out who is holding the gun.  

The book is filled with dark themes surrounding crime and abuse; one of the main protagonists talks about his sexual abuse at the hands of a local priest, while the other character suffers with intense narcissism. While the plot is fictional, certain events and characters are based on Gary’s life – something that is deeply apparent in the complex layering of the characters’ psyche.  

But that’s only the start, Gary expands by saying: “This is only the first part of a series.” Since self-publishing his book, he’s already writing his follow-up novel. Giving us a teaser, he jokes, “I don’t like happy endings.”  

Looking towards the future, Gary hopes to continue his writing career and advertise his new book. He hopes to return to volunteering with P3 soon, giving back to the local community.