Alicia's Story

Alicia is a Senior Wellbeing Worker for P3’s BeWell programme in South Derbyshire. She looks after Chestnut Place, one of P3’s supported accommodation units in the region. Describing her role, Alicia says, “We provide wellbeing support to individuals in the community to help them live independently. This involves anything from medical appointments, picking up medication, food shopping, personal care plans, lots of different things. It’s all person-centred.”  

Alongside her role at P3, Alicia is a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community and uses her own experiences to confidently and compassionately help the people she supports to navigate questions around identity. 

“I’m gay, so the LGBTQ+ community is important to me on that level, but I was also brought up a Catholic, so it took me a while to come out as it was frowned upon in the religious group I was involved with.”  

Alicia adds, “I didn’t come out until [I was] 20 as I definitely didn’t feel as comfortable [growing up] as I should’ve. I was unsure whether I’d be welcomed with open arms by family and friends, so there was stigma around me being my authentic self. 

“[Trying] to work out the feelings was hard, especially not being exposed to any form of LGBTQ+ community. I didn’t have anyone to sort of ask questions to; I just didn’t know anybody who was gay – a very different community to the one I grew up in.”  

Despite feeling isolated because of her identity, Alicia enjoyed school. She says, “I loved school, to be honest, but I felt really different. I was popular – not in a ‘popular kid’ kind-of-way, but in a speaking to everyone kind-of-way – just because I talked to everybody. Looking back, I think that was because I felt like I didn’t fit in so I was always searching for someone I could relate to. I loved school, there was nothing wrong with it, there just wasn’t that representation where I felt I could reach out.”  

Alicia talks about what representation means to her as an adult, saying, “I’ve felt that being in my role – when appropriate – I can branch out and let people know that I belong to the [LGBTQ+] community as well. I’ve then seen a huge increase in engagement and that person feeling more relaxed; there is a sense of safety then when it comes to asking questions, simply removing that feeling of being isolated. 

“Being represented myself, it’s really helped how I provide support. For example, we support someone who is non-binary and they’re very confident in themselves, but they feel very isolated. By being able to say to them ‘you’re not alone’ and saying that I am a part of that community as well, it was an opportunity to find other support groups for that person to be involved in their local community. In fact, that person is now a rugby coach specifically for other non-binary people.”  

Alicia explains that this feeling of isolation is heightened in rural communities. She says, “I can think of a couple of villages where everybody knows everyone. [P3] supports [people with their] mental health, so the people we support already feel isolated as they are different to their neighbours and their friends. Having something additional [that’s different] such as your sexual identity is even more of an isolation to them.”  

Turning our conversation towards LGBTQ+ History Month, Alicia is passionate about sharing the stories and past experiences of people within her community. She says, “It’s still fresh; people relatively recently in this country were outcasted and in some places, still are. It would be lovely if we didn’t need [LGBTQ+ History Month and Pride], but we still do as it’s still important. There is still ignorance out there, still assumptions. I’m not offended by some of that, but I would like there to be a day where I don’t have to explain I’m with a woman every time I meet somebody new.”  

Alicia says that she’s a bit more relaxed when it comes to assumptions, saying, “I know some generations can’t help it; it’s just a natural thing that they’ve grown up with. It’s about the intent: If people say stuff that’s not [politically] correct but they mean no harm, personally, I’m not so bothered about it.” 

On this, Alicia talks about how she feels when this sort of behaviour becomes intentional. She tells us how people make assumptions about her children, especially surrounding their birth. Her partner gave birth to her children but faced complications and was rushed to theatre. Alicia explains how even in the delivery room, hospital staff were dismissive of her.  

“One of the nurses referred to me as her sister, which at first was okay, until we corrected that and it continued to happen. That sort of scenario, especially in such a stressful situation, is totally unacceptable.” 

Living with her partner and two young children, Alicia talks about how people still question their family situation. She says, “We’ve just had our second child, and one of my colleagues wondered how that happened.” She laughs, “Do we need to have the ‘birds and bees’ conversation?” 

On a serious note, she says, “She’d just assumed my first child was from a previous relationship. Though she got it completely wrong, she asked the questions and she was interested so I didn’t mind. It’s not offensive to have those conversations. That scenario [in the hospital] is a prime example of when people don’t have conversations in the first place.” 

Alicia explains that being able to have these conversations in the workplace is a privilege, saying, “P3 is absolutely a welcoming workplace. Last week, we did a little team-building exercise in our last team meeting, which was write down what we are grateful for in our workplace and then swap them around. Something I’m grateful for is the freedom of speech, and I think it’s knowing history and knowing I can be my full authentic self and not having to change who I am – P3 does that, 100 per cent. I can be exactly who I am, quirky in every sort of way.” 

Alicia talks about how P3 encourages colleagues who aren’t in the LGBTQ+ community to learn about history and culture. She says, “I think being interested and learning a little bit about somebody else only brings depth to your personality. Through conversation we make things a little bit easier for the next person, generation by generation. 

“It’s all about learning, you know. I’m in the community and I don’t know everything about LGBTQ+, so we can all be learning from each other and from history, regardless of our own view. That’s how we create respect. Everyone is owed that.” 

LGBTQ+ history is living history. Thanks to people like Alicia who are sharing their stories, we can celebrate LGBTQ+ voices whilst challenging discrimination and creating spaces where everyone can belong.